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Picture this: You're running late for Bingo night. On top of that, you're wearing the last of your "bladder control supplies", you're out of contact lens solution, AND your ears have been HORRIBLY full of ear wax and you've been looking for SOMETHING to help fix it. Not to mention the fact that you missed your granddaughter (or niece or cousin) 's birthday, and have yet to buy her a gift. You think you only have time to fix one of these problems and pull into your local Walgreen's while you attempt to prioritize your shopping list.
Inside the store, you turn a corner, and find yourself on a truly magical aisle. This one, single aisle has EVERYTHING you need! That's right: Bladder control supplies, contact lens solution, ear wax flusher stuff, AND toys for any little girl you may need to buy a gift for! It's a Walgreen's miracle!
You think THAT was amazing, now imagine this: You're an aspiring mugger. You're running late for your "Mugging, 101" class, and YOUR FORGOT YOUR MUGGER WEAPON!!! As you curse your forgetfulness, your mother calls and asks you to pick up a corkscrew and some coffee filters. Then you get a text from your girlfriend (or boyfriend, wife, husband, etc.): "hey babe! could u pick up some coat hangers, a travel pillow, a tote bag and an umbrella for me? thanx! luv u!" THEN you remember that you need some Pup-Peroni, a chew toy and a doggie bed for Fido. And then you remember that you're also out of packing tape for your day job as a boxer for Wal-Mart. "How will I EVER get everything I need?" Then, salvation arrives.
You pull into the local Walgreen's and run inside, trying to remember your shopping list, and prioritizing every item so you know which ones you need to get NOW and which ones can wait until after "Mugging, 101" is over. Inside the store, you turn that magical corner and BLAM!!! There it is! That's right, you've found the very rare "Knife/Coffee Filter/Corkscrew/Coat Hanger/Travel Pillow/ Tote Bag/Umbrella/Dog Food and Doggy Bed/Tape and Craft Supplies Aisle!!! Yet ANOTHER Walgreen's miracle has come to pass!
I really hope that more stores will follow the model that the mad geniuses at this particular Walgreen's have created. Sure, it seems crazy at first but when you think about the possibilities...it's freaking BRILLIANT!!! I know I'll be going back, and I really hope these people won't cave to society's "norms". They should keep their store just as it was when I went there last week. This scheme is just too perfect to not catch on! Watch out Wal-Mart and Target! Your reign of terror is very nearly over!
I didn't realize Target had a rain of terror. I thought that was Wal-Mart and HEB. I like Target. And Walgreens doesn't even let their employees hand you change that isn't bills. They make a machine do that. Snobs.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile...how did you know that I had this EXACT problem the other night on my way to Mugger's 101? Sadly, I failed to find a Walgreens and wound up disappointing everyone except my teacher because I stopped by Academy and picked up a baseball bat (so much cleaner than a knife). I have never in my life been able to disappoint a teacher. Padawan was very upset about not even getting the travel pillow. He needed it to fly to Mars because he had a message for the two robots up there. It wasn't a good flight for him.
And thank you for the laugh.
Chanel: I'm sorry to hear that you were unable to get Padawan his travel pillow for that trip to Mars. Hopefully by the time he has to go back this whole store organization model will have caught on and your problems will be over.
ReplyDeleteTarget's reign of terror is a little more subtle than that of Wal-Mart, but it's still taking place. They lure you in with their moderate prices, less crowded atmosphere and bacon salt (shout out! ;)), and by the time you realize their true plan they've already taken over the world! Scary, but true!
Oh, and I had no idea you were taking Mugger 101! That's fantastic! I've been thinking about changing my major to Mugging, so let me know what you think of the class.
PS: I'm glad I could make you laugh. After all, what is life without a little humor? :)
I think Starbucks is part of their plan. They lure you in with that, too. And I am a willing victim. Where else can I get my Chai Tea Latte and my bacon salt all in one stop?
ReplyDeleteI think I'm a very bad student. Every time my victim screams I apologize and hand the purse back. Teacher says I need to grow a pair.
Chanel: Yeah, I can imagine that I would have a hard time with mugging, too. I think what your teacher meant was that you need to take "Grow a Pair 101: For the Squeamish Mugger" class. It's highly recommended for the faint of heart.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I too am a very willing victim of the Target conspiracy to take over the world. I really like that place. They have DARK CHOCOLATE Raisinets!!! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find those? I think Raisinets gets a cut of Target's World Domination profits for making their Dark Chocolate product so very inaccessible! Clever. Very clever.
Love this post. Happy face. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Mynx! Happy face right back at ya! :)
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