Today was just one of those days where--to put it simply--I'm really glad it's over.
No, nothing particularly horrible happened. It was just the fact that my daughter picked today to be absolutely impossible! She did everything that I specifically asked her NOT to do, and when I tried to stop her, correct her behavior, or scold her--she just laughed, or smiled, or blatantly ignored me. You can imagine how I reacted to this.
I just kept getting more and more frustrated with every little act of defiance. And as I became more frustrated, she became more defiant. It was as though we were feeding off each other--back and forth, all day long--until I was about ready to scream with pure exasperation and--I--just---
GAAAAHHHH!!! HOW THE BLOODY HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO REASON WITH A THREE AND A HALF YEAR OLD GIRL?!?!?
All I do know is that I really have to try and focus on the fact that I love her to pieces. She's a wonderful little girl, but today will have to be wiped from the emotional memory banks. I REALLY need to calm down.
Since classes ended for the Summer, I feel as though I've been less and less patient with AJ, and I know that that is not fair to her at all. And really, the more I think about it, the more I know that most of my frustration is not her fault in the least. It's my own attitude that's been affecting my parenting skills, in turn affecting her behavior toward me. What a vicious cycle!
I really don't know what's wrong with me. I have always loved being a mom. Sure, I have the occasional setbacks and frustrations, but overall it's been wonderful for me. I adore my chiddlers, and I love spending time with them, caring for them, and just being there for them. So why is it that now that I'm staring down the barrel of 3 1/2 months with them, I'm suddenly turning in to the Wicked Witch? I always look forward to this nice, long break to be a full-time Mom, so why is it different this time around? I just can't figure it out. Any ideas? I'm all ears, people!
Ick. I'm making myself cringe with all this whining. Time to shut up and walk away. The End.
