Well...for Better or for Worse...

It's over. I just completed the online final for my online class. Yesterday, I took the final exam for my anatomy class, and on Monday was the final exam for my Language Science class. It's over, and I honestly don't know I feel about it. I mean, I'm glad to be done, and able to enjoy the two and a half weeks' break for Christmas and New Year's. That will definitely be a nice break for me, the chiddlers, my mom, and my poor neglected husband. Let's face it, that man gets ignored like crazy when I'm studying for exams. I'm up and running around with the chiddlers during the day, and once they go to bed at night--that's when I have to study. It's the only time I can do it.

But it's also the only time of the day that Ty and I have to be together.

It's the only time of day when we can watch our shows and make sarcastic comments about the actors/actresses and be snarky about the commercials without chiddler-related interruptions. But when I've got an exam coming up, I can only gather up my notes and textbooks, kiss Ty goodbye and head upstairs to our room where I proceed to lock myself inside, surround myself with study materials and study obsessively. On a side note, I hope no one EVER has to watch me when I'm frantically studying. It ain't pretty. Flipping through notes, books, and charts, muttering aloud to myself. Then I start quizzing myself, testing my memory/retention. I draw little diagrams in midair...trying to picture everything and organize it all in my brain. Not. Pretty. I've never made any secret about the fact that I'm a huge nerd, and certifiably insane. But there's a big difference between TELLING people and SHOWING people. *Shuuuuddddeeerrrrr*

Anyway, I went through this ritual for my Anatomy final--but due to the HORRIBLE scheduling this semester, I only had about 2 1/2 days to do it. I usually take about 4 nights to study properly, but I just couldn't do it this time. Anyway, I studied in my usual obsessive manner and beat my brains to a pulp trying to get all of that information in there where it belongs. Then I sit down and start taking the exam and it started off really well. I was just flying along like I usually do--no problems at all--until the Fill-in-the-Blank questions. Then I started to get REALLY scared. There were several of those questions where I just had to make a wild guess and move on. NOTHING was coming to me!!! I don't even remember talking about some of this stuff in class or seeing it in the notes or book. Some of it I DO remember studying, but it's as though my brain has seized up and I JUST. CAN'T. REMEMBER. IT. I finished things off as best I could, but I'll tell you what, I felt sick about it. All semester I had had NO problems with this class. I'm not bragging, but I'm quite certain that I was one of the top students in the class. Then this exam came crashing through and shattered me.

I went and picked AJ up from Mom's house, and found out that her preschool class had had a Christmas program for the parents that day. There was no way I could have made it even if I had known it was happening, but I still felt horrible about it. AJ didn't have ANYONE there to see her singing with her class, because we either didn't know about it, or just couldn't be there. She noticed. She kept asking me why I wasn't there to see her program, she just couldn't understand why I wasn't there. Add that crushing guilt to the way I was already feeling, and you're looking at a pretty volatile combination. It was only a matter of time...

Anyway, since I still had about 20 minutes to spare, I ran home to drop off some stuff before picking CT up from school. I left AJ buckled into her car seat with the door open, ran inside, and then as I started setting my stuff down it was as though a dam broke somewhere. I started SOBBING. I mean seriously, I was alone when this happened, and I was embarrassed by myself, but I just couldn't stop. I was hysterical. It was as though all of the anxiety that I had been feeling all semester and all of the "mom guilt" that I always feel when I'm in classes, and the guilt that I always feel knowing that I'm inconveniencing my mother by asking her to watch my kids twice a week, and the fact that I always let the house go to hell during the semester, making my family live in a truly heinous situation for at least 80% of that time, AND the problems with the exam that day, AND the new Mom guilt that I was feeling having missed my daughter's program...EVERYTHING just came crashing down on me and I couldn't take it anymore. I lost it. I have no idea how many minutes passed before the water works finally slowed down enough for me to grab my keys and head over to the school. But it was at least another 10 minutes before they stopped for good. I think I traumatized my daughter, poor girl.

When I got home, I texted Ty and told him about the day I'd had (omitting the complete mental and emotional breakdown), and he--in his usual masterful way--talked me down off of my emotional cliff and told me to pick a place to go to dinner that night. Feeling better, I proceeded to clean the Master Bathroom. It was in desperate need of attention, trust me.

When Ty came home from work, I was calmer, but still upset. I told him what I was worried about, and he used his best weapon--that ever-elusive beast "logic"--to dispel my worries. He's really good at that, which is very helpful since logic is NOT always my strong point. I'm more on the intuitive side of things...but that's a conversation for another day.

Anyhoo, tonight I went online and took my FINAL final. I have no idea how I'm going to do in this class, I've kind of hated the whole thing, so I didn't put in the same level of effort as I did with my other classes. I'm really hoping for a B. Fingers crossed, eh?

Oh, and one more thing to be excited, happy, and proud about: TY GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!! Yea Verily! His dad and I had to twist his arm to get him to put on that cap and gown and walk for his diploma, but he did it and the chiddlers got to watch it happen. They might not have fully understood the importance of what they were watching, but I know that they will never forget it. And I also know that they were proud of their Dad.

As the guys were reading through the names of each graduate, AJ kept calling out her dad's full name, first and last, waiting to hear it announced over the speakers so she could clap and cheer for him. Very cute. I'm so stinking proud of Ty. He's worked so hard, and he's done 95% of the work over the last 4 years, while holding down a full-time job and being a husband and the father of two kids. He's done a fantastic job and I'm totally using the internet to brag about him, because I can! Way to go, Ty! You're my hero!

(PS: Don't ask me how I ended up in the foreground in this picture. My dad was taking it, and Ty just kind of told me to jump in. Oh well.)

Two HUGE Hurdles Have Been Overcome...

Yes, that's right. First, I finished that huge paper, AND yesterday I turned in the big Language Sample Project for my Language Science class. For this project I had to record about a half hour of speech from a child and analyze it. Lucky for me, I happened to have a child at hand who was right within the age range needed for the project. That's right. AJ was my subject. I got the project done, and now all I have to do is worry about whether or not I did everything right until my professor grades the thing and gives it back to me. 

Two weeks from Monday is my first final. On the following Wednesday is my final final of the semester, and then I can do a happy dance. Oh yes indeed. It will be frightening, because I am a horrible dancer, but it will be awesome.

Christmas is coming up fast, and I'll be honest, I really can't help getting super excited about it every year. Here's hoping I'll never get over it. When I was a kid I was excited about opening my presents. Now that I am a mother, I get far more excited for my kids' sake. It is SO much fun seeing their joy and excitement on Christmas morning as they look under the tree and see all of their presents laying there. It's also super fun to see how happy they are when they look at Santa's cookie plate and see the cookie crumbs and empty milk glass...

I know that a lot of people out there don't think it's a good idea to basically lie to their kids about Santa until the kids get too old to believe anymore. I can understand this perspective on the issue, but I am of my mother's opinion. You have such a narrow window to allow these kids to enjoy the magical feeling that comes from believing in something like Santa Claus. They can become jaded so quickly, it's important to let them be kids for as long as possible. Let them believe in magic. Encourage it. It's such a vital part of growing up--using the imagination.

My parents never disillusioned us. We eventually reached that age where we decided for ourselves that we didn't believe in Santa anymore, and that was the end of it. I remember when my youngest sister, Nel, was old enough to really start thinking about this, and finally asked my mom if Santa was real. My mom, being the person that she is, simply said: "What do you believe?" Nel hesitated for a moment, and then said: "I don't think he's real." My mom just nodded and said: "Alright then." And that was it. 

I think that's one of the best things about my mom. She encouraged us to do the right thing, to do our best and keep moving forward, but she never forced us. She always allowed us to make our own decisions about our lives. Yes, at times when we screwed up she made sure that there were consequences for our bad choices, but she wasn't domineering. She only gave her opinion if we asked for it. Even then, she gave it in such a way that basically said: "This is what I think, but the choice is yours." I don't know about you, but I think that makes for one pretty amazing parent. 

Anyway, it's time to stop rambling. For now. I will surely find more to ramble about soon enough.

DECEMBER ALREADY?!?!? WHAT THE FREAKING CRAP...?!?!?

Alright, so I'm not gonna lie, this whole year has kind of freaked me out a bit with how horribly FAST it's flown by. My daughter just turned four years old! When did this happen? As usual, the celebration kind of stretched out over three days, due to crazy schedules and everyone wanting to give her presents and say "Happy Birthday!"

This year, her birthday actually fell ON Thanksgiving day, so we celebrated with my family on Thanksgiving. She got presents and cake. Then, yesterday, we took the chiddlers to a matinee and saw "Frozen". (LOVED it, by the way. New favorite Disney movie!) Then we went home and gave her her last two presents, the doll versions of the two sisters that the movie's story line revolves around. She loved them. After a brief, 20 minute break, we drove north to go to a children's museum and visit with the chiddlers' OTHER grandparents, (Mickey and Allie, Ty's parents), and AJ got more presents. After a couple of fabulous hours at the museum, Ty's parents took us out to dinner, and then we headed home. Awesome day. A LONG day, but an awesome one.

Today, AJ opened the last of her birthday gifts, from Ty's Aunt Jitter in Chicago. The biggest present Aunt Jitter sent was a frilly pink princess dress, complete with scepter and tiara. AJ, being the princess she is, insisted on wearing this frilly pink princess dress and crown all day long, and carrying around her scepter, ruling the land with stubbornness, adorableness, and charm.

Later in the afternoon, my family got together to carry out one of our most cherished Holiday traditions. One or two days after Thanksgiving, we go bowling. All of us. My parents, all of my siblings, any in-laws that have been lucky enough to marry into our family, (there are three, so far), the chiddlers, everyone.

There's a very important rule to being a part of this tradition, though. When entering our names into the scoreboard, everyone has to take on the name of a character from a Christmas movie. We each usually spend days thinking about what our chosen bowling alias will be, and then we bowl and eat bowling alley French fries. And THAT is how we kick off the Christmas season every year. Oh yes. Awesomeness.

Today was no different from any other year. I was "Arctic Puffin" from the movie "Elf", Ty chose to be "Buddy the Elf", CT was "Rudolph", and AJ picked "Princess Leia". (Don't ask me how Leia is involved with Christmas, but hey--when a four-year-old is rocking a frilly princess dress AND bowling shoes, what can you do other than let her pick whatever freaking princess name she wants? Ty was over the moon about it, I'll tell you that!) My younger brother, Kurt, was Buzz--the bully of a big brother from "Home Alone", and I lost track of who was who on the other two lanes. (We took up three.)

Anyway, things were going swimmingly as they have every year. I got lots of spares, and even two strikes in a row. (Oh yes, applause please!) I'd just finished up another impressive spare when I turned around and saw Ty holding AJ, who was screaming, tears streaming down her face. One thing I know as her mother, that particular cry meant she was hurt, pretty badly.

As soon as I walked over, she reached for me and I carried her over to one of the couches and sat with her as she cried and I tried to figure out what had happened. Apparently, AJ REALLY wanted to play with the pretty purple bowling ball. Unfortunately, the pretty purple bowling ball weighed 11 pounds, and I don't think she was quite ready to support that kind of weight in her hands. She dropped the ball, ONTO HER OWN FINGER, crushing it between the ball and the hard linoleum floor. The finger is quite swollen, and completely black and blue now, she'll probably lose the fingernail eventually. Even if it's not broken, it is very deeply bruised. On the bright side, the injured finger is her right middle finger. So for at least the first hour after the incident, she was flipping off everyone who walked by, and she couldn't get into trouble for it at all.

When AJ's turn came up again, I asked her if she was ready to bowl. She wiped away her tears and nodded, then said: "Can I still have the purple ball?" Well how could I say no, when she had sacrificed her own finger just to get that purple ball? I went over and got it, and since she was just using one of those kiddie ramps and the bumpers, she could just use her uninjured hand to push the ball down the lane.

After the bowling game was over, the kids went to play in the arcade. AJ played for a while, and seemed to be okay. Then we went out to dinner with my sister and her family before going to my parents' house for pie. While we were there, the kids were all playing together in the basement while the grown-ups stayed on the main level and chatted about random stuff. A while later, my sister's three-year-old son, Mac, came running up the stairs, crying his eyes out. Apparently, the kids all decided to jump off of the couch downstairs onto the huge Love Sac (a big soft bean-bag-like pillow thing). Mac over-shot his jump, and landed on the floor. On his face. After crying into his mother's shoulder for a few moments, he suddenly popped up and said: "I'm okay, Mommy. I'm gonna go do it again!" And promptly ran back toward the basement before his mom could stop him. Yeah. My nephews are pretty hard core. Needless to say, all of us were laughing our heads off--except for Mac's mom, of course. Luckily, his dad came into the room and intercepted him before he could go and destroy himself.

After a little while longer, we packed up our two chiddlers and came home. They are now sleeping in their beds and I am writing a blog post. My first in a freaking MONTH!!! Sorry about that! But hey, the good news is, I finished my 15-page paper for my stupid online class that I hate with the fiery heat of a thousand suns. Ugh. I haven't learned a single thing from this class, but I still have to do at least an hour of busy work for it every single week. It SUCKS. And it's not even for my program, it's a stupid general education requirement. Stupid piece of crap class of stupidity and stupidness. Blech. I just hope my crazy professor decides he likes my 15-page paper and gives me a decent grade for it. Goodness knows I've worked my butt off!

And now I'm about to immerse myself in my Language Science class, a Speech Sample Project. This class actually is for my program, so it matters a LOT more. I can't screw this up! After that project is finished, I get to start studying for my finals. Three of them, taking place just a few days apart from each other. I probably won't be writing much more before the semester is over. Whether or not that totally ruins your week, I can't say. But don't you fret. I'll surely be back with more ramblings soon enough.