So on Friday morning, I was wrenched awake in the middle of the night. Not by any external influence. Not by any person, or sound, or painful sensation. No, I was awakened by nothing more or less than my own brain. I had a very disconcerting feeling as I lay there, having a vivid dream, and then I started having these thoughts: "No, this is just a dream. You're dreaming. This isn't really happening. It's just a dream..."
I was disturbed by these thoughts intruding upon my dream, because it was about something that I REALLY wanted to happen.
I don't know if I've mentioned this recently, but tomorrow I begin classes for my last semester as an undergrad student. I will be graduating with my Bachelor's degree this upcoming May. Awesome? Yes, definitely. But my educational journey will not be ending there. Not because I'm being forced to stay for some reason, but because of my own personal choice. I want to pursue my Master's Degree.
As a result of this choice, I have spent the last several months putting together all of the necessary documents that I need in order to apply for graduate programs in my chosen field. These required documents include:
--Transcripts
--GRE Scores
--A Statement of Purpose - Telling about me, why I want to enter my chosen field, and why I would be an asset to any program that chose to let me in. (One of the hardest things I've EVER had to write. I mean, what do I say about myself? I don't exactly feel comfortable standing around and shouting about how awesome I am, especially when I don't always believe it myself.)
--A Writing Sample - Academic in nature, preferably involving some sort of research. (Luckily, I already had one of those under my belt. It was a pretty good one, if I say so myself, but it needed some tweaking before I could hand it in.)
--Three Letters of Recommendation from three of my professors. (And each of them needed copies of all of the documents and records that I was preparing, as well as a signed permission form that allowed them to access my records and use the information they found there as a part of their recommendation letters as they saw fit.)
Most of these things were pretty easy, though time-consuming. I went online and ordered transcripts, I took the GRE and had the scores sent to my chosen schools, I got out my Writing Sample, edited it, and had Ty read through it and asked for his feedback to see if he could catch any issues that I had missed, I wrote my Statement of Purpose and again asked Ty to look it over and help me polish it up. I also contacted three of my professors, asking them for recommendations. They all agreed to write them for me, but asked me for the above-mentioned documents and permission forms. I understood that most professors don't even start writing recommendation letters until after Fall semester is over - choosing to take care of them during their Holiday Break. So, I prepared the necessary documents, and sent them to my professors. I didn't hear a word back from any of them. No acknowledgement whatsoever. At the time, I figured: "Well, it's getting near the end of Fall semester, and they're probably just dealing with finals and stuff. I'm sure they'll let me know if they need anything else."
The holidays went by, and I still hadn't heard a word from any of them. My online applications were complete, and the fees were paid, but nothing from my recommending professors. I had been told by a reliable source that if I hadn't heard anything by the New Year, I should send a gentle reminder to my professors to make sure they could still help me out. I waited until the first Monday of January, and then I sent a super polite email to all three professors, just double checking that they had everything they needed from me, and thanking them profusely for their help. I heard back from one of them within a couple of hours, but nothing at all from the other two. I expressed my concern to Ty, who reassured me that they were still on break for another week, and to give it a couple of days. I did, but by Thursday night I was really struggling to keep my wits about me. It was January 7th, the deadline for my grad school application was January 15th, and I had heard nothing at all from either of these professors since October. Needless today, I went to bed on Thursday night with an uneasy mind, falling asleep after 1:00 am.
As I slept, I dreamed - vividly - about visiting with my professors. They were all very cheerful and helpful and reassured me that everything was completely fine. They had finished their recommendations, and had already posted them. I had nothing to worry about! I felt so comfortable, and reassured, and content...And then that voice started speaking: "This is a dream. It's not real. It's just a dream. You're going to wake up and be in exactly the same situation as you were before you fell asleep." I was yanked forcibly from my happy slumber by these thoughts. It was 3:30 am.
After that, I COULD NOT go back to sleep. I tried, make no mistake about that. But I finally gave up at around 5:30. I got up, brushed my teeth, put on my workout clothes, and did my workout for the day. After that, I took a shower, got the chiddlers ready for school, took them to school, and then went to Target to get some things that we needed. As I drove to Target, I started ranting aloud. I was so frustrated, because I had worked my ass off for years to get to this point. I had held up my end of things to the letter, I had done EVERYTHING in my power to make this happen - to get in to grad school, and now...I was at a standstill. Everything was in the hands of my professors, and only one of them had even acknowledged me. The deadline was a week away, and I was feeling pretty helpless.
When I got home from Target, I only had about 30 minutes before I had to pick up AJ from Kindergarten. But in that time, I pulled up my online applications to see if anything had changed at all. Nothing whatsoever had changed. On one of my applications, I noticed that my transcripts were still noted as being "Not Official". That seemed strange to me, as I knew I had sent in my official transcripts over a month ago. So I decided to call them. I called the grad school admissions department, and asked if there was anything wrong, and the lady said: "Oh! You don't need to worry about that. We don't change the status of your transcripts to official until our reviewers have looked everything over. You don't need to worry about that at all." Feeling a bit better, I then asked hopefully if she knew anything about my recommendation letters, but she said: "Oh no, we don't deal with any of that. It's a departmental requirement. You'll need to contact your department." I was a little bummed, but that made me think: "Well, why can't I call the department? What do I have to lose? It can only make me feel better, right? At least I'll have a better idea of what's going on."
So I looked up the phone number for my department, and by then I was out of time so I picked up my daughter from school. After we got home, I told her I needed to make a phone call, and I'd be upstairs for a few minutes. Then I found the phone number I'd entered into my phone and pressed "send". The Academic Coordinator, "Ann", answered the phone. She's a super nice and helpful person, and I've dealt with her on many occasions. So I told her about my dilemma, and she said: "Well, let me take a look." She did whatever she does with her computer, and then she said: "No, there aren't any recommendations here either." She looked up my three professors that I'd chosen and asked for recommendations from, and I explained that I'd heard from one of them, and that he'd promised to have the letters done by the weekend. She looked up the other two, and said: "Well, Dr. A. is out with knee surgery. She won't be back until after the 23rd." I felt my heart stop beating for a minute. One of my professors wouldn't even be able to help me until it was far too late. Ann then said: "It might be a good idea to ask one of your other professors to write a recommendation for you, just in case." I knew she was right. She then said: "Dr. R should be here later today, so I can ask him when he plans to finish his letters. They can get kind of touchy about it, and don't like to be rushed, but I can ask him." I thanked her profusely, and hung up the phone.
Well, now at least I knew what was going on. I ran downstairs, got back online, and emailed the one professor that I thought might be able to help me at such late notice. She was my most recent professor in the department - having just had me as a student during Fall semester. I apologized for the late notice, told her about the situation, and then asked her - oh so humbly - if she could write a recommendation for me. Within the hour, she had responded and agreed. I thought I'd float through the ceiling, but I didn't. Instead, I reassembled the necessary documents for her, printed off, signed, and scanned in another permission form, and emailed all of it to her.
Then I had to go online and add the new professor to my applications, so they could send her the link that would allow her to submit the letter directly to their online systems. One of them was pretty simple, I just added her as a 4th option. The second one didn't work. I couldn't figure out how to add her. There was an option to "cancel" Dr. A as a recommending professor, but then I was worried that it would lock me out and not let me add in a third again - and I needed three! So I called the school. No one answered. I called again, no one answered. I called another department, no answer. I called another department, and someone answered. When I told her about my problem, she transferred me to another department, and I got voicemail. I waited for about 20 minutes, and then called the first department again, and finally someone answered. I asked him my question, and he told me to just cancel the first professor and add the new one. Phew! I went back online and fixed the problem. Then I breathed for a few minutes, trying to recover from the 2 hour whirlwind I'd just experienced.
Then I got an email from one of my professors, asking for a resume. I didn't have one, so I typed one up and emailed it to everyone that I thought might want or need it.
A few hours later, I got a notification from one of the grad schools saying that there had been a status change for one of my recommendations. I looked online and the professor that I had heard nothing from, but that Ann had promised to talk to that day, had posted his recommendation letters under both schools! And the other two professors that I had been in touch with had promised to have their letters done by the end of the weekend.
I could not believe it. I had actually made something happen! I had taken a situation that I had been sure only that morning that I had no power to change, and changed it. It felt fantastic, once the shock had worn off.
Needless to say, after having only 2 hours of sleep the night before, and craziness of the afternoon, going to Ty's work party that evening, and being awake for almost 20 hours, I slept VERY soundly on Friday night. I mean, pretty much the moment I laid my head on the pillow, I was out for the count. I didn't remember anything from that moment until about 8:00 the next morning.
So, I guess the lesson of the day here is: You are not completely helpless. Sometimes all you need is to make a couple of phone calls. :)
