There's a Storm a-Comin', and Inspiration From a 5-Year-Old...

Apparently, Utahns need to duck and cover for a few days. Starting tonight, and going all the way through (at least) tomorrow morning, there will be snow and SUPER freezing cold temperatures. We've been advised to stay off the roads, as they will be icy and the blinding snowstorm won't do much to help the situation either. I'm pretty sure that we haven't had a storm like this in a couple of years. (Don't quote me on that, I'm not a freaking meteorologist.) All I can say is that our license plates are pretty accurate, but they don't tell the whole story. "Ski Utah, The Greatest Snow on Earth!" (What they left out was: "Hope you can get here without driving, because between our snowstorms and CRAPPY drivers, you may not live to see the slopes!)

In other news, my son is officially the coolest kid EVER. We have a white board hanging with magnets onto the side of our fridge. Just yesterday morning, I was making myself some toast and looked up to see this message:

For those who may not be fluent in reading 5-year-old, it says: Shonomerse Go Mom Caden

Can't figure out what that first word means? Try breaking it up: Sho No Merse. Then fix a few letters: "Show No Mercy".

No, I will not be picking too much on my son's spelling until he's at least 7 years old. He's still learning how to read, and he's doing quite well. I'm just so often impressed by his ability to sound out the words he wants to write, and often he comes pretty close.

This little message meant the world to me at that moment, because right now we are in the "wrap up stages" of Fall semester. I have 2 big papers to write for my Communications classes, along with a 10-15 page formal report to put together for my Technical writing class. On top of that, I had two tests coming up for my Math class and a BIG group project to figure out and get done for my Communications class. I love that my son gave me some encouragement, and I am going to take his advice to heart.

I WILL "Show No Mercy"!!!

--Final Papers: Prepare to get the ever-loving CRAP written out of you!!!

--Formal Report: You'd better run and hide, cuz here I come!

--Math Tests: You suck! I WILL prevail!!!

--Group Project: You're almost done, and THEN what are you gonna do with yourself? HA!

Then, once the battle is over, I plan to make myself a LARGE batch of my (famously fabulous) chocolate chip cookie dough, and bury myself in as many mindless novels as I can get my hands on and devour them greedily until January.

Bring it on. I'm ready!

Tips for the Writing Challenged: Round Two!!!

A few weeks ago, I reposted one of my rants about a brutal murder. If you didn't catch it the first time, you can read it Here.

Anyway, just last night my mind was once again violated by the gruesome, horrific murder of one of the most underappreciated tools in the arsenal of mankind: The English Language. I present for your perusal, a posting by the most recent offender: We'll call him "L.B." Please bear in mind that I have changed nothing in this text. It is all a direct quotation.

"I don't think people ever really pay too much attention to their thoughts. So this was a good eye opener for me. I might start thinking before I act out or say what I'm thinking. I'm more of a realist type of a person on the optimistic side of things so this has helped me see things differently. Maybe the feeling we have as people are kind of like a little angles or devils on are shoulders they ether make thing more difficult for us but maybe that's what makes us balanced out."

I'll just give you a moment to digest that little nugget of pure ignorance....

And now, for those of you that are actually trying to understand what "L.B." is trying to say, allow me to advise you to stop. Stop trying to understand it. Your brain just might begin to self-destruct with the effort involved.

While you shake off that complete mess of jumbled non-language, allow me to do the world a favor:

"L.B.", in the name of the human race, you are hereby banned from publishing any form of written work from now until the end of time. The End.

To help restore some form of sense to the world of writing, I have some brand new tips for people that might wish to save the English language from yet another brutal slaughtering.

1) "Are" and "Our" are different words. They are not interchangeable.

2) Sentences MAY NOT begin with the word "So". I myself have been guilty of this particular faux pas in the past, but after reading "L.B.'s" abomination, you can bet that I'll be more vigilant in the future.

3) "Angles" have nothing to do with "Devils". I will repeat what I have said in the past: CHECK YOUR SPELLING! Always.

4) Do NOT switch back and forth between plural and singular words. Figure out which one you really want to talk about and stick to it!

5) Make sure you cut off your sentences in the correct place and use appropriate punctuation. In other words. Watch out where. You put; that, comma.

And there you have it. Candice's newest installment of Writing Tips for the Language Challenged.

Have you come across a "J" or "L.B." that you would like to put up for nomination as a subject of one of these posts? Email me at thoughtsbycandice@gmail.com.

If selected, your candidate could be eligible for a complete banishment from the writing world along with a personalized list of writing tips for people to avoid in the future.

Thank you for your time. Together, we can make the writing world a better place.

Happy November Everybody...

So this week has been a bit of a crazy one.

Monday was somewhat normal. Our son had school as usual, and our family spent the evening trying to get some Christmas shopping done. (Yes, we like to finish Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving.)

Tuesday morning Tyler was working at the voting polls all day and night. I had class in the morning, and after I picked up our son from Kindergarten, I brought the kids home. Soon, I received an e-mail from Tyler, humbly requesting that I bring him some lunch. I could hardly refuse, so the kids and I drove down to our local Arby's, got some food, and delivered it to Tyler. I then went back home and I honestly don't remember what I did for the next few hours. Then I got another e-mail from Tyler, requesting mints as he was suffering from a condition known as "onion-ring-breath". I went to the store and picked up the desired items, grabbing some dinner for me and the kids while I was there. I dropped the mints off to Tyler, and I even voted while I as there! Yay me! After dinner, I bathed both children and had just gotten them both to sleep when Tyler came home. I went downstairs to get some homework done, picking up my Blackberry to check my calendar. That's when things kind of went to crap...

I always lock my Blackberry's keypad. It is an important factor in preventing the ever-irritating problem of "Butt-Dialing". On the night in question, my phone was locked as usual and waiting for me on a side table next to the couch. I picked it up and pressed the "Unlock" button. Nothing happened. I tried again, nothing happened. I tried pressing other keys, still nothing. Finally, I pulled out the phone's battery, hoping it would reset the system and fix the problem. When I turned my phone back on again, a white screen greeted me saying something to the effect of: "Your phone has completely screwed itself over. You've lost all of your information. Have a nice day."

Yes. My Blackberry deleted everything that I had stored on it. Appointments, contacts, personalized settings, Applications...everything. My husband, in trying to fix the problem, was soon confronted with this message: "CAT. Failure". We interpreted this to mean "Catastrophic Failure". I'm amazed the thing didn't blow itself up. In the end, with the help of T-Mobile customer service representatives, Tyler was able to fix my phone and get it up and running again, though I still lost my information and had to restore all of my settings. I heaved a sigh of exasperated relief, said a thankful prayer that I have such a tech-savvy husband, set the alarm clock on my phone to wake me up the next morning, and went to sleep.

Wednesday morning was all planned out. I would drop my son off at school at 8:45ish, and then make my way to the pediatrician's office where my daughter had an appointment at 9:30 to get her ears checked. Perfect timing. The alarm on my phone was set for 7:20ish so I could have time to take a shower before I left the house (a VERY important prerequisite for me to make ANY public appearances). After sleeping blissfully through the night, I opened my bleary eyes to look at the digital clock on our dresser. What I saw there snapped me awake in a hurry.

It was 8:24 AM. I had 20 minutes to feed and dress both kids, dress myself and get my son to school. I jumped out of bed, shooed my son out of his room, threw some clothes at him and stood over him like a vulture while he brushed his teeth and combed his hair, then told him to find himself some breakfast. Then I burst into my daughter's room, changed her diaper and put her in some clothes. She didn't get breakfast at home, but I did pack some food to feed her at the doctor's office. I brushed my teeth, threw on a pair of jeans and a hat, and ran frantically out the door. My son was a few minutes late for school, but I guess it could have been worse.

I drove my daughter to the doctor's office, and we were actually about 15 minutes early. I took advantage of the time to feed her some breakfast before her appointment. (Her ears are fine by the way, she's just teething). I had them give her a flu shot while we were there, and she didn't even flinch. During the wait at the doctor's office, I figured out what had gone wrong that morning: my phone's catastrophic failure had caused my alarm clock to fail catastrophically too. Stupid phone. That same night, I had another class--and a test. It went fine, I think...we'll get the scores next week.

Thursday (today), I had to go take a test for a different class (Math, ICK!) While I was in the shower, I noticed something strange...you know..."down there". I felt around and pulled at the problem, and felt an odd cramping sensation. Then I froze. I'd been pulling at the strings for my IUD, very possibly dislodging it! I spent the morning in turmoil, waiting for my OBGYN's office to open. I dropped the kids off at my mom's house and headed towards the college campus. On the way, I finally got in touch with the doctor's office, and they squeezed me in for an appointment today. After taking my math test (which sucked, by the way), I ran back to Mom's house and picked up the baby, ran home to pick up something that I'd forgotten, then drove to the doctor's office again. Everything's fine with the IUD. It's an extra relief, because on top of all the problems I've been having with my eyes, I REALLY don't want to have anything else go wrong.

I went back to Mom's house to retrieve my son (Mom had picked him up from school for me while I went to the doctor), and then the kids and I went home. I got my daughter down for a nap, and just veged in front of the TV for a while. Then Tyler called. He wanted to go into town to go Christmas shopping. I made sure my son was ready to go, then got my daughter up from her nap (luckily she was already awake), fed her some cereal, pulled everything else together that we would need, and then ran out the door.

Our time in town was actually quite pleasant. We got some shopping done, and I got to be totally selfish. I got a brand new purse! Wahoo! Feeding the addiction, baby! Then we all went out to dinner and came home.

Now the kids are in bed, and I've joyously switched all of my stuff over from my old purse to my beautiful new one. Happiness! :)

So much craziness...but it ended pretty well. I got a VERY nice treat out of all of it, and nothing too traumatic happened.

That said: Is it the weekend yet?