Writing Tips for the Language Challenged...

A couple of months ago I was exposed to some REALLY bad writing. The kind that gives you the impression that the person is either unintelligent or just doesn't care enough to put any effort whatsoever into what they're writing. It annoyed me so much I typed up this rant and a half to help out the people that could benefit from it.

In my two online classes this semester, there are required discussion boards where we all post replies to questions about the class readings. There are a number of people in these classes whose posts remind me of the infamous "J" from this earlier post.

In honor of those people, I have decided to repost this particular rant for your enjoyment. Anyway, if you're curious about my more grumpy, sarcastic side, here's a lovely treat for you. (No, I'm not like this all the time. Only on VERY special occasions):)
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Tonight, I witnessed a brutal slaughter...of the English language.

Now, I know that English can be pretty confusing. For example: "I before e, except after c--BUT..." or: "A, E, I, O, U,...and sometimes Y". Despite being incredibly messed up in so many ways, the English language does not deserve to be murdered. English has served the world quite well in her own way, and I believe that she should be respected.

The murderer in question, (we'll call him "J."), has NO idea whatsoever about how to put words together into an intelligible sentence. I pity anyone that has to read the complete crap that "J." haphazardly throws together in a pathetic attempt at writing. (I'm using the term "writing" very loosely here.)

Don't get me wrong, my husband and I got a good laugh about this fully grown college student's bungled, blundering babble. However, he has committed multiple crimes against the English language, and I feel that he should be held accountable in some way. So here it is:

"J", in the name of the human race, you are officially banned from ever publishing any form of written work from now until the end of time. The End.

Of course, "J." is not the only offender out there. Too many people anymore are concentrating on just about anything except their writing skills. Why is this? The two most important things a person can learn in school is reading and writing. Or at least it used to be that way.

I doubt that the general American public reads all that much these days unless they have to, and what in the world has happened to our writing? I guess most people don't consider the ability to write skillfully as being all that important. Well, it is important, IT IS!!!

For those of you that want to fix this disturbing trend of crappy writing, here are a few things that you should know:

1) It's okay to proofread and revise your work. I promise I won't mind, neither will anyone else that has to read the finished product.

2) Commas are important. They're not just there for decoration, they actually serve a purpose.

3) LEARN THE FREAKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "THEN" AND "THAN"!!!!! Please, you're embarrassing yourself and the rest of the human race when you confuse the two. If you can't write better THAN a monkey, THEN you should quit altogether.

4) The first word of a new sentence should be capitalized. Every time.

5) You are allowed to make your sentences shorter. You know that single, rambling sentence that goes on long enough to be its own paragraph? Feel free to break it up with a period or two--within reason, of course.

6) Two words: SPELL CHECK!!! Use a dictionary or Google if you must, you'll be doing us all a HUGE favor.

7) Look at your sentences and paragraphs. Is there anything in there that's unnecessary? If so, take it out. The "fluff" doesn't have to be there, get to the point.

8) Be careful about repeats. Make sure that certain words aren't used more than once in a single paragraph unless it is absolutely necessary. (Words like "the" and "and" don't count on this one.)

These rules represent a mere fraction of the common sense guidelines that should be followed when people are writing for any purpose. No need to thank me, I'm pretty generous when it comes to correcting the faults of others...

...But you're welcome anyway.