So today, on the train, I was just sitting in my seat listening to my headphones. As per usual. I normally just sit there enjoying my music and my thoughts. Today, a man got on the train, and sat in the seat right across from mine. I gave him that traditional "I'm not a threat" smile that we Americans seem to feel is necessary whenever we come face to face with a stranger. He grinned back at me and as he sat down, he asked me a question about my shirt.
It's green, with a shamrock and the word "Irish" printed across the front in large white letters. He said: "So, are you Irish?" (Oddly enough, this is not the first time that shirt has sparked that exact question) I took out one of my ear buds and said: "No, I got this shirt in New York when we were there for St. Patrick's Day a couple of years ago." He smiled, and his eyes lit up, "New York? I'm from New York. Upstate." He asked me a few questions, if I was familiar with the upstate area, that kind of thing. I said no, we'd only been in New York for a few days, and we'd spent our whole visit in the Manhattan area. He nodded, then went back to his book. I put my ear buds in and went back to looking out the window.
A few minutes later, my new friend seemed to finish what he was reading, closed his book and looked up at me again. He nodded at my backpack, "Are you a student?" I smiled, took out my ear buds again and said, "Yes, I am." He asked me about my major, and my interests. I asked him how long he'd been in Utah, if he liked it here, and he told me how he wanted to go back to school. He's into computers, and wants to learn more about them and how to counter the attempts of hackers and other security breaches.
There was no awkward small talk, just a nice conversation. He was like a favorite uncle, not a stranger. Very warm and sincere. (His name is William, in case you were wondering).
When we parted ways, William shook my hand and said: "Well it was nice to meet you, Candice. You're lovely. Best of luck to you." I wished the same to him, and that was it. I doubt I'll ever see him again.
Anyway, today's encounter has made me think about how such conversations are really becoming a thing of the past. (Interestingly enough, Ty and I were talking about this just the other night). Thanks to cell phones, tablets, and headphones of all shapes and sizes, we--the human race--have effectively cut ourselves off from the world around us.
It used to be the norm for people--when forced to sit next to each other on trains, buses, and airplanes--to start a conversation. Awkward and forced at first, but then as the minutes pass by they start talking about their home lives, family, friends, work, hobbies...knowing they'd probably never see each other again. Just wanting to connect with a fellow human being--however fleeting that connection might be.
Now, because of the internet and the many mobile devices that allow us to instantly "connect" with other people, we no longer feel the need or desire to make face-to-face contact with the people immediately available to us. We just ignore them, and they ignore us. It's kind of sad, really, how easily we've forgotten just how enjoyable it can be to sit and talk to a nice person--whether we know them well or not.
I for one, am very glad I chose to take out my ear buds long enough to enjoy a 10 minute conversation with William today. It really started my whole Wednesday off on the best possible foot.
Stuff like this warms the black crust that was once my heart. No really, we don't do this enough in society. It reminds me of a meme I saw recently: "Why is it when I see a cat or a dog, my first instinct is to get in its face and say 'hi!', but when I see another human, my first thought is to look the other direction and just hope it goes away?"
ReplyDeleteI know, right? How did we get to the point where we'd rather give ourselves whiplash trying to avoid eye contact with people than start a conversation? Weird.
DeleteStrangers on a train! I chitchat with people (mostly lost tourists) on the subway all the time, but if I'm in a book, man, do not bother me. It's my reading time! Do not interrupt! Magazine? Music? On my phone? Sure, go ahead, strike up a conversation. Unless you're on drugs, drunk, or trying to hit on me. Which eliminates a large number of the Boston subway-riding population (minus the hitting-on part, which only eliminates like, 3 of the Boston subway-riding population).
ReplyDeleteOh, I'd love to read on the train. But I get really motion sick if I even try it. SO sad. Seen some drunks, and possible druggies though. Gotta love the diversity of the public transit population.
DeleteIt's bizarre considering that I'm misanthrope but unless the person is a total spazz I have in my brain that it's going to be a long trip and whoever is sitting next to me is going to be my friend and we are going to converse. I look over and say "look it's going to be a long trip and this is happening".
ReplyDeleteWell I definitely hope I get the chance to sit next to you on an airplane ride someday. That would be pure awesome. :)
DeleteIn occasional brief sojourns in the States I've noted how different the behaviour is there compared with here in the south of England, where the traditionally polite thing is to give people vast amounts of personal space and not interfere with their privacy. I'm deliberately putting their slant on it, though, when it suits me, I'm one of them. But if you ask an Englishman or woman for assistance, you would find him or her not standoffish, just helpful and solicitous.
ReplyDeleteHaving said all this, I rebuke myself for generalization, and implying homogeneity of the populations referred to herein. My last encounter with a stranger in New York had life-changing consequences, as described in this anecdote.
Communication expectations are different everywhere you go. In the US, it just feels awkward when you make eye contact with someone and don't try to say something to them, even if it's just a comment on the weather. I don't know what it is. But I do know that these conversations between strangers are becoming more and more rare. Hence the now careful avoidance of eye contact.
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