A Small Change, and a Huge Accomplishment...

It happened like a tidal wave, crashing over me while I was getting my yearly Health Assessment from our insurance company. I mean, I knew that my clothes had been getting pretty tight over the past year or so...Okay so I could barely wear my own jeans without discomfort, and all of my t-shirts were cutting into my arms...But it couldn't be THAT bad, could it? And then I looked down at the number on the scale and my heart sank down to my stomach. I was tipping the scale at nearly 20 pounds more than I was expecting! How did that even happen?!?

It was a huge wake up call for me, and I resolved right then and there (this was the end of January, by the way, so it doesn't technically count as a "New Years Resolution"): I was going to be making some changes.

Trust me, I had tried many times over the years to "make some changes" in my health practices. You know, the routine: "I'm going to stop eating sugar, and exercise every day, no more excuses for me!" I had failed every single time, my resolve usually dissolving within a few weeks (if I even started in the first place). This time, I decided to do something different.

Yes, I was going to exercise. And yes I was going to make some changes in my diet. But I was going to add one vital element to my program: Forgiveness.

All through my past attempts, I'd been riddled with self-doubt and even self-loathing. Every time I missed a workout because of a scheduling conflict, or given in to my craving for that irresistible (for me, at least) chocolate chip cookie. Every time I'd slip in my resolve, I'd berate myself and do everything I could to try and shame myself into changing my habits. And I failed. Over, and over, and over again.

So there I was, a few months away from my 33rd Birthday, and I was feeling pretty down on myself. "How could I let myself slip this far?" But then I had a moment of clarity: "Start tomorrow." So I did. I started exercising. I cut out a lot of my snacking throughout the day, and I started drinking more water.

But this time...this time it's just...different.

I allow myself to have treats, just not as many. I still have days when my workouts aren't going to happen, because I'm a college student with two kids and stuff just comes up. But it's okay. I am letting myself off the hook. No more, "Oh! I missed my workout today, so I guess I can't do it tomorrow, either!" No more: "Ugh! I can't believe I had that second cookie! This means extra workout time tomorrow! I'm so disgusting!"

My mindset has shifted, and it's made all the difference. More than once in the past, when I had started to get into a good workout program, all it took was one tiny little disturbance in my routine and everything would fall apart.

Once school started for Fall semester this year, I had to change my workouts from 5 to 6 days a week, to 3 to 4 days a week. Did I have my concerns about whether or not I could stick to the routine? Of course I did! I wondered if such a big change might throw a huge monkey wrench into everything I'd been working so hard for all year. But then I said to myself: "Hey! Three days is better than none, and if you can get that fourth day in there, that's even better!"

And guess what? It's all okay. I'm still doing it. I'm changing my habits, and I'm treating my body a lot better than I've ever treated it before.

Since January, I've lost about 20 pounds (give or take, I don't actually own a scale, so I'm going off what I get from other people's scales intermittently), and with strength training I've got more muscle tone than I've had...well...ever. I have biceps, for crying out loud! I've never had biceps I could SEE before! I've lost about 6 inches off my waist, and all of my clothes are loose on me now. I love the way that feels!

Even more than the weight loss, (which is a big deal for me), I no longer have that huge "need" for sugar that I used to have. I still indulge my sweet tooth, but I can only handle about half of what I used to take in. Drinking more water is really helpful, and I can always tell when I'm having a "dry" day where I haven't been as vigilant as I normally am.

All of this, because of Forgiveness. I gave myself permission to be imperfect. It's okay that I miss a workout every now and then. It's okay that I ate that cookie. It's all okay, because I'm not doing this to match up to anyone's expectations but my own. I'm not doing this to look perfect. I'm doing this because I'm worth it, and I don't care how much that sounds like a tampon commercial.

I'm worth the work, I'm worth the effort, and it feels great!