Tough Love for a Friend...

Okay, I've got a friend. (I know! Shocking, right?)

I've known her since Junior High School, but we didn't really know each other or become friends until the end of our Sophomore year of High School. From then on, she's been my best friend--my only close friend, really. I have a lot of people that I consider friends, but none of them have really reached the inner sanctum of my trust. That is not an easy thing to do with me. There are very few people who I trust implicitly: My parents, my husband, and my friend, "Callie". 

We have one of those friendships where we can go months at a time without actually seeing each other, but when we get together and hang out, it's like no time has passed at all. Callie is really funny and sweet. She's smart, too...in all things but one: Her dating choices. 

For years I've wondered why my fabulous friend hasn't been in a really serious relationship with anyone. She dates, a lot, but every single one of these guys has "douche bag" stamped plainly on his forehead. She'll show me pictures that these guys have posted on their Facebook walls, and I just can't help but shake my head and say: "Seriously? This guy has 'Asshat' written all over him!" Whenever I ask Callie why she even goes out with these people, she says "But he's so pretty!" While she's only half kidding when she says this, I know she's not that shallow. She wouldn't date a guy based solely on his looks. However, I do have to wonder what does keep her coming back to this same old routine over and over again, especially when she's been burned so many times in the past. 

She came over to my house last night, and we hung out for a while, and we had a brief conversation about this. And then Callie looked at me and said: "I just can't help being attracted to these guys, and I really can't figure out why. Why do I do it?" It wasn't a rhetorical question, she really wanted an answer. At the time, I didn't have a good answer. But having thought about things a bit more, I think I've figured it out. I just don't think she's going to like hearing it very much. 

Callie is a wonderful person, (she wouldn't be my close friend if she wasn't.) But she is very hard on herself, seeing all of the mistakes she's made in her life, and sometimes she feels like she won't really be able to live them down. Because of this, I truly believe that Callie is attracted to these guys, not only because they're physically attractive to her, but because she knows they're douche bags. She knows they're only going to use her, try to sleep with her, and then disappear when she says "No"--randomly reappearing when they need something from her, or want to have another go at getting her into bed. 

I, as her friend who loves her to pieces, honestly think that Callie seeks out these guys because she knows that they'll make her feel good for a little while and then walk away--and she honestly believes that that is the best she deserves. So she puts up walls, and so she won't have to get really close to any of these guys, she deliberately chooses the ones that she knows aren't going to care. She doesn't think any of the good guys will be interested in her once they find out about all of her past mistakes, so she's mentally "taken them off the list" of people she's able to date--thus avoiding the pain of giving her heart to someone, and being rejected.

And guess what! Because of this attitude, these shallow, douche-y guys seem to be able to sense it like some sort of radar, and swoop right in so they can waste her time for a few days. She pretends she doesn't care, but she can't hide from me. I can spot fake from a mile away, especially when it's coming from her, and I can tell you, this pattern is affecting her much more deeply than she's letting on. 

Anyway, this rambling is just the kind of crap that randomly pops into my head from time to time as I mull things over. Don't worry, I will definitely be talking to Callie about this stuff in person. However, I wanted to clear my head a bit, and get my thoughts into some concrete form, so I can express them more clearly. 

Thanks for bearing with me, Internet. Good night.